Anne Kingston's The Meaning of Wife reveals how silently and unknowingly we are brainwashed by the media and popular culture. The book lays bare the various stereotypes of 'wife', and 'unwife', and shows how characters, originally created for the means of consumerism, become accepted as social norms. Generations of girls measure, even mold ourselves, based on such exerggerated and unrealistic notions.
The word 'wife' has come to carry with it so much underlying connotations. It calls to mind a subservient role, burdened with labourous duties. In contrast, the word 'husband' is seen as a head of household and a husband worth his pants should be in a position of success, power and control and be able to provide for in abundance.
To many, entering into wifehood immediately calls to mind housework, raising children, an expanding waistline, home-bound life, gossip, groceries....the list goes on. In Singapore, we automatically categorise married women, esp mothers, as 'aunties' - labelling them sweepingly as past-their-best-years and chiefly occupied with homely duties.
No matter how advanced we are, I feel that society still judges women by the husbands they marry - and not their individuality. It is a norm for men to marry women of a lower social class, educational level, earning power, but vice versa, and tongues start wagging. Women's worth are explicated by the size of the rock that the men put on their finger. To some, marrying well and rich is still a coveted "career choice". Those who do are often envied for their "achievements". I feel the pressure. I do ask myself, have I failed? Have I succeeded? Am I good enough? Am I just not-good-enough? I wonder if I should hold out for someone 'better', but so many women hold out for that "good-enough" and it eludes them.
The other 'types" of women are exemplified by Nigella Lawson, the dark-hair cook show host with the sultry voice, who makes cooking looks "oh-so-sexy" and effortless. Everytime after I cook, the smell of garlic lingers on my finger tips for a few days. Seriously, I don't know how Lawson does it, but I find it a challenge to feel sexy and beautiful as such. I enjoy cooking and tidying up, but really, I feel like a moron when I can't do it with such effortless "not a strand of hair out of place' grace.
Never before has being single and thirty-something been so trendy. I remember when I was younger, the big Three-O is such a dreaded number that women hitting 30 and still unmarried are seen as left on the shelf. The ball is now in our court, and more women are rejecting the marriage path. I did not watch "Sex and the City" but I have seen the images of SJP's character before. How she exudes such confidence and independence, she is indeed the epitome of the "swinging single" in our time. Women on average graduate in their mid-twenties nowadays, and when they are hitting late-20s early 30s it is in fact the time when they are at their prime, climbing up the career ladder, taking in earnings on-par with men, independent and liability-free, single and loving it. Who on earth would give up such freedom, such carefree-dom? What does "settling-down" have to offer in the face of such boundless opportunities? But the ironic thing is, most of these girls do not intend to stay single - if so, why the small fortune in dolling themselve up and hitting the town in 5-inch stilettoes, if not to snatch a good catch - and then they would be upgraded to the type of women described in para. 4
It comes a full circle, and girls are left grasping for air as we chase after our own tails, trying to catch up with stereotypes imposed upon us. In the end, we ask, so what should we want? Should I want to marry rich and spend my life as a well-provided-for "small woman"? Should I build my queen-kom at home, and find solace in the "romantic of the ordinary"? Should I forgo family if I want a high-flying career and a jet-setting lifestyle? How should I live so I can seen as having lived?
