Know Your F.U.T.U.R.E

When I decided to look into remote viewing, I had the impression that it had some bizarre metaphysical and astrologer associations. But, in reality, remote viewing is a natural and ‘taught’ method of probing remote locations in the past, present, and future. As I learned and experimented, one of the important things that I discovered is that you cannot accurately predict the future of any person or event. Of course, some would argue this point and I would probably agree that we can see the future. But, what I mean is, the future changes far too rapidly based on our experiences and directions for anyone to be truly accurate.

When you visit a astrologer and ask them to tell you about your future, in some cases, they can be quite accurate. But, realize that your future is only accurate as long as you’re heading down the path chosen at the time of the reading. However, if you change your path, your entire future ‘rebuilds’ to accommodate your new direction and experiences.

After some work with a professional, and long-time-involved, remote viewer, I began to understand that the past, present, and future have already occurred. This is why, through remote viewing, we can meander around the strange worlds and times in which we live, and will live.

It may sound strange, but consider that one cannot see what might happen, but only what ‘has’ happened in the future. Indeed, the future is just as much based on your present existence as is your present based on the decisions and experiences of your past. You cannot change your past to alter your present, but you can change your present to adjust your future!

On the contrary, you do have three choices!
1.To continue down the path you’re heading and just accept the consequences of what could potentially occur.
2.Take minor, short-term alterations in your life and hope for the best.
3.Pick a desired destination in the future, and work backward to define the future you want for yourself!

The first two choices work and they will get you there just the same. However, the third choice is the best option to take as you are dictating your future and defining how to get there. This might sound like a contradiction to everything I said earlier about the future ‘already happening’. But, many of us have been brought up to accept things as they are and believe that our futures are already ‘written in stone’.

Actually, even though a new future does ‘come into existence’ every time we make a decision or perform an action, it is not written in stone until it passes us by. At that point, you need to just accept that you are where you are because you allowed yourself to be there.

If you believe in visiting your astrologer on a regular basis, by all means continue to do so if it makes you feel better. But, realize, that everything that they tell you of your future is only a glimpse of what could be based on what is currently happening in your life. You have the choice to change it, at will!

Take hold of your future and turn it into what you want it to be. Don’t just let it flounder about until it ends up someplace close to where you would like it to be. Pick a point in the future where you want to be, then plan backward to today to figure out how to get there. Once the plan is set and you’re in motion, go back to your astrologer and see what they say!

Relationship Matters

Good relationships take work. I have witnessed many potential good relationships fail due too poor or ineffective communication, an inability to meet each other needs and by having unrealistic expectations of the relationship in general. The fact is, most of us don't know always know the things we can do to improve our relationships. Contrary to popular belief, its not always how much love you have for each other that can predict the success of your relationship, but ultimately it comes down to how conflicts and disagreements are handled. Research has shown that couples who are effective in resolving conflict report being more fulfilled in their relationships and have less incidence of divorce. I will provide you some practical techniques that you can begin implementing today that will drastically improve the current state of your relationship.

Perception Vs. Reality

We have all heard the saying, "Every story has three sides, my side, your side and somewhere in the middle lays the truth". The fact is several people can witnesses the very same event, yet all walk away with a different perception or interpretation of the facts. The same is true in relationships. We all interpret events through our own unique lens. The way we process information is based largely on our past experiences, environment and our own inherent genetic make-up. Believe it or not, this is one of the major reasons why many relationships fail, not just our relationships with our spouse or mate, but relationships with family, co-workers and friends can all succumb to inaccurate interpretations, inevitably causing the relationship to deteriorate. Failing to realize the impact of how ones perception can influence how events are interpreted and received can be the downfall of any relationship. For couples that struggle with this issue, it is important to always question, particularly when conflict arises, if they are being overly negative in interpreting their partner's actions or motives, this can be done by searching for evidence that is contrary to the negative interpretation. Oftentimes when this is done, couples find that the stance they are choosing to take on a particular issue is based solely on their own internal dialogue and really has nothing to do with their partner.

Search for the positive

If I were to ask you right now to list 10 positive traits about yourself, it would probably take you a while to come up with some things; however, if I were to ask you to list 10 negative traits or qualities, you could probably come up with them in 10 seconds flat. Unfortunately, it is human nature to focus more on what is not working in our lives than to focus on what is going well. The same holds true in our relationships; however, if you make a point to focus more on the positive aspects of your relationship and less on the negative, you may find that things aren't so bad after all. You may begin to view your relationship in a more positive regard, which will directly affect how you relate to your partner and how your partner relates to you.

Scorekeeping is for games, not for relationships

Keeping score is a surefire way to kill your relationship. Harboring bad feelings and holding onto things in the past will ultimately destroy your relationship if you don't do something about it. Relationships are filled with both good and bad times, when the bad times occur, you and your partner must be committed to resolving conflict in healthy ways by ensuring that both partners feel that their voice is being heard and that each of you are valued in the relationship for you own unique strengths. Scorekeepers may find themselves winning the fight, but losing the relationship.

Self-esteem and Self worth comes from within

We all know of someone or have heard of someone who has made a decision to start or continue in a relationship because of what the other person has to offer; money, prestige, fame, etc. It is important to note, that because your partner has those things, doesn't necessarily mean you will be happy. It is foolish to believe that your mate is the only source of your happiness and that the only way to feel complete is to be in a relationship or base your relationship solely on what your partner has. Sure having someone to love and to share your life with can lead to a happier or more fulfilled life, but lets be clear about one thing, it cannot be the only thing that makes your life complete. The healthiest relationships exist when both partners feel whole even before the relationship begins. If you are dependent on your mate to fulfill your every need, you may be setting yourself and your relationship up to fail. The role of your mate is to compliment you, not make you. Self-fulfillment and self-esteem comes from within through personal acceptance, personal strength and self-love. If self-esteem is something you are struggling with, you need to first identify the source of your emptiness and develop a plan to begin to change the way you feel about yourself. The fact is, it doesn't matter how many ways or how many times your mate expresses his love, you will be incapable of receiving it until the internal work is done. An excellent book on self-esteem that I highly recommend is "Ten Days to Self-Esteem" by David Burns.

State your needs clearly and concise

Don't expect for your mate to be able to read your mind. As a couple, you need to openly discuss your thoughts, feelings and concerns. If there is something you need or want from your partner, state it in clear and concise terms. You can't hold your mate accountable for something he/she is not aware of.

Avoid put down

We have all heard the saying "Fight Fair"; this also applies to how you communicate with your partner. When arguing with you partner, it is important to allow him/her to leave the argument with their dignity and self-respect still intact. Name calling and character assai nations, as I like to call it, will poison a relationship and lead to resentment and hurt feelings. Augments and disagreements are a normal part of any relationship and the purpose is to help couples resolve differences and to reach new levels of understanding. The goal of an augment is not to always to win, as Dr. Phil puts it, If you win, then your partner loses which will ultimately lead to a lose/lose situation for the both of you.

In closing, maintaining a happy and healthy relationship can be hard-work. However, when you are able to reach a point in the relationship in which both partners feel validated, valued and successfully able to meet each other's needs, the level of happiness and fulfillment a happy relationship can bring, is well worth it. If their are things you can do to improve your relationship, start today, you may be surprised at how far a little maintenance can go.

Stereotyped Wife or Unwife?

Anne Kingston's The Meaning of Wife reveals how silently and unknowingly we are brainwashed by the media and popular culture. The book lays bare the various stereotypes of 'wife', and 'unwife', and shows how characters, originally created for the means of consumerism, become accepted as social norms. Generations of girls measure, even mold ourselves, based on such exerggerated and unrealistic notions.

The word 'wife' has come to carry with it so much underlying connotations. It calls to mind a subservient role, burdened with labourous duties. In contrast, the word 'husband' is seen as a head of household and a husband worth his pants should be in a position of success, power and control and be able to provide for in abundance.

To many, entering into wifehood immediately calls to mind housework, raising children, an expanding waistline, home-bound life, gossip, groceries....the list goes on. In Singapore, we automatically categorise married women, esp mothers, as 'aunties' - labelling them sweepingly as past-their-best-years and chiefly occupied with homely duties.

No matter how advanced we are, I feel that society still judges women by the husbands they marry - and not their individuality. It is a norm for men to marry women of a lower social class, educational level, earning power, but vice versa, and tongues start wagging. Women's worth are explicated by the size of the rock that the men put on their finger. To some, marrying well and rich is still a coveted "career choice". Those who do are often envied for their "achievements". I feel the pressure. I do ask myself, have I failed? Have I succeeded? Am I good enough? Am I just not-good-enough? I wonder if I should hold out for someone 'better', but so many women hold out for that "good-enough" and it eludes them.

The other 'types" of women are exemplified by Nigella Lawson, the dark-hair cook show host with the sultry voice, who makes cooking looks "oh-so-sexy" and effortless. Everytime after I cook, the smell of garlic lingers on my finger tips for a few days. Seriously, I don't know how Lawson does it, but I find it a challenge to feel sexy and beautiful as such. I enjoy cooking and tidying up, but really, I feel like a moron when I can't do it with such effortless "not a strand of hair out of place' grace.

Never before has being single and thirty-something been so trendy. I remember when I was younger, the big Three-O is such a dreaded number that women hitting 30 and still unmarried are seen as left on the shelf. The ball is now in our court, and more women are rejecting the marriage path. I did not watch "Sex and the City" but I have seen the images of SJP's character before. How she exudes such confidence and independence, she is indeed the epitome of the "swinging single" in our time. Women on average graduate in their mid-twenties nowadays, and when they are hitting late-20s early 30s it is in fact the time when they are at their prime, climbing up the career ladder, taking in earnings on-par with men, independent and liability-free, single and loving it. Who on earth would give up such freedom, such carefree-dom? What does "settling-down" have to offer in the face of such boundless opportunities? But the ironic thing is, most of these girls do not intend to stay single - if so, why the small fortune in dolling themselve up and hitting the town in 5-inch stilettoes, if not to snatch a good catch - and then they would be upgraded to the type of women described in para. 4

It comes a full circle, and girls are left grasping for air as we chase after our own tails, trying to catch up with stereotypes imposed upon us. In the end, we ask, so what should we want? Should I want to marry rich and spend my life as a well-provided-for "small woman"? Should I build my queen-kom at home, and find solace in the "romantic of the ordinary"? Should I forgo family if I want a high-flying career and a jet-setting lifestyle? How should I live so I can seen as having lived?